A father, a daughter, and two trout...

     So I stopped at Lake of the Woods today to pick up a bottle of water. As I plopped my pooped tushy into one of those wonderful red wooden chairs I noticed a father, a golden retriever and his 5 year old daughter walking out onto the boat dock. The father was carrying a stick with about 4 feet of fishing line and a worm on the end of it. As the father showed the daughter what to do, I couldn't help but smile as I watched the daughter give him her full attention despite the golden retriever's incessent tugging on the leash. Suddenly the girl turned around put her hand on the dogs nose, said something to it, and in response the dog sat on it's energetic tushy and began to give dad it's full attention as well.

     As they both watched him jig the line up and down he suddenly handed the stick to her and stood back. It took a moment for the girl to realize that there was a fish on. At first she just stood there, then she got the biggest smile, started laughing, and jumping up and down. She looked at her dad, the dog started barking, and dad started motioning too her to lift the line out of the water, which she did by backing up and nearly tripping over the barking retriever! Suddenly there was a flopping 6 inch trout on the dock! Quickly dad leaned down lifted the fish in the air for the girl to see. Dad said a few things to the girl and she motioned for him to put the fish back in the lake much to the dismay of Mr dog! After the fish was safely back in the lake the father rebaited the hook and put it back in the water and handed the stick to his daughter, who took it and started mimicking exactly what her dad had done too hook the first fish. It didn't take long for her too hook another unfortuneate trout. She promptly handed the stick to her father who tried to hand it back to her, but she wasn't having it, she put her hands on her hips shook her head, looked warily at the dog she nearly tripped over and told pop" you do it!"

     Watching this was the hilight of my wonderful day! =)    July 16, 2010

Falling leaves.............

     I see leaves falling, I feel the wind riffling through my hair, my shoulders and head lean forward slightly further than normal, as once again I make my way down Table Rock. My footsteps seem to be a little shorter and slower in nature tonight. It's as if my feet know what my head and heart feel. I've spent a Summer's worth of evenings traversing this hallowed path, tonight I fear shall be the last of the season. It pangs as sharply as putting down that amazing book once you've read the last page for the third time, knowing you will read it again in due time, yet feeling the loss before it has really started.


     I have seen my last sunset of the Summer season from the table top of Table Rock. I am surprised by the sense of loss that has overcome me a I walk down typing this. It isn't the last time I will see the sunset from here, or is it, one never knows for sure.....
    
     Perhaps the sense of loss stems from knowing that upon this evening trail I have found myself in ways I have never known before. It is here upon this trail that snakes it's way to the top, that I have shed so many pounds of excess weight, but more importantly, I have shed layers of fear, insecurities, burst several bubbles of my own perception, and most importantly, I have learned that with a little work from me, I can live life feeling as if I am getting over on it! That it is all right there, to be lived, cherished, and shared lovingly!

     Interestingly enough, I find it ironic that I am lamenting the loss of these evening excursions in which I have peeled away so many layers of fear and insecurity. Yet it would appear, that fear and insecurity are fueling my sense of loss! I find myself wondering what now? Where will I find my time to walk beneath the skies, my time to learn more about myself where I learn effortlessly within Mother Nature's bosum? These may seem like small concerns within the big picture, and most assuredly they are! However, they are important to me, you see, I love who I've become! I love who I am becoming!

     Some may say "Mickey who are you becoming?" My response, watch my walk and.... "Ah crap! I do believe I just walked into some Poison oak!" True story! I have become a guy who embraces nature and change within himself, all the while I have also become a guy capable of typing this on my blackberry as I walk down the trail in the dark! It would appear that while I love who I've become, I am going to be loving me some poison oak as a result! Ah life is hysterical! Anyhow back to the point, I have stumbled upon the reason for my deep sense of loss! You see it is out here upon this rock that I have worn through a pair of boots, mended a broken heart, sprained my ankles, and even conceived the idea to dance at a class reunion in front of everyone with a guy! What I am saying is,I am feeling the loss of the greatest Summer of my life, the Summer of My Becoming.......

     Oh, by the way I have also discovered the answer to my question of how will I replace these walks, it's simple really, I will get aquainted with seeing the sunrise from Table Rock!! Brrr, but oh so good!! You see it really is right there for the taking!

     Ha! It appears that a wonderful Winter beckons me. I love that I think this way. I also love that I now know that a few tears and sadness while bidding a sweet farewell to an incredible Summer is a perfectly wonderful way to feel! Funny the thoughts a few falling leaves can trigger.................

A Surprise Visitor

     As I drove out to Clearwater River today I was thinking happily about how nice it would be too have some company. But, alas my thoughts and the music pouring forth from the car speakers were to be my only company today. Driving along singing to the music, it struck me that I was sure was taking my time getting out to the river! I was two hours in, and still an hour and ten minutes from the river, and it only takes an hour and a half to get there! This just wasn't like me, I am far from a "hurry, hurry come on let's get going" kind of guy. But, I do get in the car and get there sooner than later! As I let this thought roller coaster through my brain, I started to think about my father. You see, my father was a master at taking four hours to get to anywhere that was only an hour away! How can that be, you ask. Simple, if he walked into the In and Out Market to pick up "supplies" for a day trip to Medicine Lake and there happened to be 6 patrons in the store he would figure out how to talk to 12 people! Meanwhile, myself and whoever I was bringing along would "patiently" wait in the truck as my father mastered the art of mathematical impossibility. Twenty minutes later on a good day, we were off like a "turd of hurdles" as my father always said. Yes!!! Excitement is building again, Medicine Lake here we come!

     Wait, why are we slowing down? Oh no, dad forgot something and we are stopping at the Stronghold Market. Great, now pops can turn five people into ten and we can twirl our thumbs in the bed of the truck for the next thirty minutes! I'm thinking, you the reader, get the picture.

     So back to today, as I mentioned I'm puttin along like a big ole "hurdle." Thinking about Bill has brought forth a blissfull combination of laughs, smiles, and joyful tears. While wiping a tear from my eye, I realized I was pulling up to the Union Creek store. Nothing unusual about this, I always stop here too grab a bottle of water, maybe a snack, I'm in and I'm out. Today however, I was in there for an easy twenty minutes! I wandered the store, picked up a book about how to make Bigfoot your friend, eyeballed the shirts, hats, people watched, and finally I hitched up to the counter with a bottle of water. I paid, exchanged pleasantries with the lady and headed out. As I was leaving, I realized something was wrong. Without being able to stop myself, I turned around, laughed, and told the lady I forgot something. Thing is, I had no clue what I forgot! So I turned my feet loose and followed. Suddenly I'm standing smack dab in front of Union Creek hats that are way too expensive. No matter, I select the one I like and mosey back up to the counter and plunk down the coin. The lady looks at me, smiles and says "thank you for buying the hat, we are quite proud of this place and love it when people choose to wear something with our name on it." I think for a moment, and respond by telling her that I'm not sure why I'm buying the hat, but I've been thinking about my late father alot today and boy did that guy have a bunch of hats! In fact if he were here right now I'm sure he would have bought at least one hat. She smiled, looked at me a moment and said "oh I think he is closer than you think, and I think he did just buy a hat." Well I got a lump in my throat, thanked her once again and headed out, this time with a tear in my eyes and a jack rabbit bouncing in my heart.

As I pulled out, I thought about what she said and I realized why I had been putting along all day! For whatever reason, my father had chosen to spend the day with me, and in true Bill Mc Bride form he did it his way! You see, my father hitched a ride, hijacked my brain, and reminded me to enjoy the journey out to Clearwater River.

     As I look back now at today and all those years ago with my father I would be remiss to not point out that although he understood enjoying the journey, he made molasses on a cold wintery day look fast at times, and I'm not proud to admit how much this bothered me at times. But, I am here to admit it right now. You see I have learned something the last few years, if it's something about you, and your not proud of it, own it, put it out there, and it will change you! It will unravel the dangling chains of shame that you have been carrying all those years. The phrase "the truth will set you free" is one of the most amazing truths in the world if you embrace it wholeheartedly.

     In closing I would just like to ask one question. Does anyone out there think that I wouldn't love to spend another day or hundreds puttering to the lake, feeling frustrated as hell that my father was taking four hours to go one hour? Dad thank you for those days, and mostly, thank you for beginning the process of me learning Patience. :)

Two squirrels

     I'm sitting here dangling my feet in the Rogue river, thinking about the two squirrels I saw on my way up Table Rock tonight. I watched them basking atop a boulder soaking in the last remnants of today's blistering sun, rubbing their grubby little paws together as if I weren't even there. As I watched them, I noticed that even as they moved around and canted their heads from right to left or left to right, their eyes never left me. They were only too aware that I was there! So I continued to watch them, fascinating little creatures when you watch them and drown out the rest of the world. Around and around they scurried atop that rock, always watching me.
    
     As I watched them I wondered to myself, "Mr and Mrs Squirrel, what do you see when you look at me?"

Do you see the man that didn't appreciate his life, or the boy who clobbered sense into that senseless man?

Do you see the boy inside the man who couldn't get past the fearful man?

Maybe they see the man who was afraid to listen because he would learn that he was wrong, the boy wollupped the man on that as well!

Hmmm, maybe they see the boy who wept over the girl, until the man picked him up with a beer. In time the boy and his father taught him that was wrong as well!

Just maybe, they see the man who was yearning for something better, but was afraid to listen to the boy? It took years, but the boy got through to that loving, fearful man.

Perhaps, the squirrels only saw a man who might eat them if he were fleeter afoot, thus only a minor concern to them.

Most important is what the boy and the man believe the two squirrels saw......... A man who has learned to Believe In His Courage.....