I see leaves falling, I feel the wind riffling through my hair, my shoulders and head lean forward slightly further than normal, as once again I make my way down Table Rock. My footsteps seem to be a little shorter and slower in nature tonight. It's as if my feet know what my head and heart feel. I've spent a Summer's worth of evenings traversing this hallowed path, tonight I fear shall be the last of the season. It pangs as sharply as putting down that amazing book once you've read the last page for the third time, knowing you will read it again in due time, yet feeling the loss before it has really started.
I have seen my last sunset of the Summer season from the table top of Table Rock. I am surprised by the sense of loss that has overcome me a I walk down typing this. It isn't the last time I will see the sunset from here, or is it, one never knows for sure.....
Perhaps the sense of loss stems from knowing that upon this evening trail I have found myself in ways I have never known before. It is here upon this trail that snakes it's way to the top, that I have shed so many pounds of excess weight, but more importantly, I have shed layers of fear, insecurities, burst several bubbles of my own perception, and most importantly, I have learned that with a little work from me, I can live life feeling as if I am getting over on it! That it is all right there, to be lived, cherished, and shared lovingly!
Interestingly enough, I find it ironic that I am lamenting the loss of these evening excursions in which I have peeled away so many layers of fear and insecurity. Yet it would appear, that fear and insecurity are fueling my sense of loss! I find myself wondering what now? Where will I find my time to walk beneath the skies, my time to learn more about myself where I learn effortlessly within Mother Nature's bosum? These may seem like small concerns within the big picture, and most assuredly they are! However, they are important to me, you see, I love who I've become! I love who I am becoming!
Some may say "Mickey who are you becoming?" My response, watch my walk and.... "Ah crap! I do believe I just walked into some Poison oak!" True story! I have become a guy who embraces nature and change within himself, all the while I have also become a guy capable of typing this on my blackberry as I walk down the trail in the dark! It would appear that while I love who I've become, I am going to be loving me some poison oak as a result! Ah life is hysterical! Anyhow back to the point, I have stumbled upon the reason for my deep sense of loss! You see it is out here upon this rock that I have worn through a pair of boots, mended a broken heart, sprained my ankles, and even conceived the idea to dance at a class reunion in front of everyone with a guy! What I am saying is,I am feeling the loss of the greatest Summer of my life, the Summer of My Becoming.......
Oh, by the way I have also discovered the answer to my question of how will I replace these walks, it's simple really, I will get aquainted with seeing the sunrise from Table Rock!! Brrr, but oh so good!! You see it really is right there for the taking!
Ha! It appears that a wonderful Winter beckons me. I love that I think this way. I also love that I now know that a few tears and sadness while bidding a sweet farewell to an incredible Summer is a perfectly wonderful way to feel! Funny the thoughts a few falling leaves can trigger.................
